WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
