You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My bed smells like the plague
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
