im about as happy as oj after his trial
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
