Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
