yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
