Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
