I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
