Got a toothbrush?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
