nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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