Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
