when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
