it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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