Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
