Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
