that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
