dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
