I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
