you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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