just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
