Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
A bitchslap is in order.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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