So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I want her autograph on my taint
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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