I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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