it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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