i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
