i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
