I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
