Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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