i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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