Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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