It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
