I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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