remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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