what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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