you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
