too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
