oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
