You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
