apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
