no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
