I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
