I'm eating all of the evidence.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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