I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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