I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
