remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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