I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
