Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
