I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
