let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
