I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
