I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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