I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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