the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize