biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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