i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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