yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
