I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I need to calm my uterus...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
