Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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