3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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