bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
