just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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