the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize